The words being spoken on the other end of the line sent shockwaves throughout my body. I sat there shaking, until I couldn’t stand to listen to another word of judgment, shame, and disapproval. After all these years, the patterns are still there. For too long, I have allowed my worth to be based on what “they” think.
Emotions are unacceptable. Sensitivity equals weakness. Stop all that carrying on right this minute…
It’s amazing how quickly I can retreat into my space of invisibility, wishing I could just disappear. Knowing that they disapprove of my decisions really shouldn’t bother me as much as it does. But, it does.
As I hung up the phone, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, allowed the tears to fall, and remembered…
Just three days prior, sitting on a moss covered tree root in the Oregon forest, with the cool coastal wind whipping through the leaves, I uncovered a part of me that I had never met before. There was such an undeniable knowing that I am meant to be here, on this Earth. There was no fear, questioning, uncertainty, or feelings of unworthiness.
The messages were so clear, as if they had been there all along, just waiting for me to fully hear them.
With my bare feet planted in the damp moss, I felt the power contained within thousands of years. There was such a profound connection to those who have come before us — and those who have yet to grace this land. Never before had I felt such clarity in our purpose — this collective purpose that we are all here to experience.
I once read that with everything that occurs in our lives, its opposite will also appear in some form. Oh how true this has been. Just a few days ago, I experienced the most beautiful, powerful “knowing” imaginable, as I stepped fully into my personal power and service on this planet. Not long after, I was presented with the opportunity to feel the complete opposite of that, as I witnessed myself sinking into that familiar space of unworthiness and self-judgment.
This time, I knew what was happening. This time I wasn’t thrown off my foundation, crumbling with every word. I was so amazed by how quickly I was able to see the shadow for what it was, honor it, bless it, and set it free.
We all go through this life with our personal filters. Each one is a bit different, yet none are “better” than the others. That phone call invited me to fully feel all those things that I had yet to bring to the surface. It was the most remarkable blessing in disguise, as my awareness expanded and I finally decided to stand in my power without questioning if it was the “right thing to do.”
Every experience is my teacher. The offerings are coming at record speed right now! I think this is the way for so many of us. We’re seeing such change in the way life is lived. We’re being invited to clear out the remaining debris that covers our core. Space is being created within, so that we may fully know who we are.
I hope you know that you are so much more than the opinions of others. You are so much more than the voices within your head want you to believe. Close your eyes and feel the truth within you. It is there, ready to reveal everything. Sometimes, we need to be willing to feel the pain in order to feel the bliss. What if we could just feel the things that arise without labeling them as “bad?”
There is beauty in the pain. There is beauty in the bliss. They simply are.
It is all so magical.